Criminal Lyrics

These are the lyrics to song Criminal as performed by Eminem

Lyrics to song Criminal by Eminem

sound of rain pouring, footsteps

A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin' questions.
A lot of people think that.. what I say on records
or what I talk about on a record, that
I actually do in real life
or that I believe in it
Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..
I'm actually gonna do it
or that I believe in it...
Well, shit.. if you believe that,
then I'll kill you.
You know why?
Cuz I'm a...

You're goddamn right
Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL

My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge
That'll stab you in the head
whether you're a fag or lez
Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest
Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"
Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic
Starin at my jeans, watchin' my genitals bulgin' (Ooh!)
That's my motherfuckin' balls, you'd better let go of em
They belong in MY scrotum, you'll never get hold of em
Hey, it's me, Versace
Whoops, somebody shot me!
And I was just checkin' the mail
Get it? Checkin' the 'male'? clicks tongue twice
How many records you expectin' to sell
after your second LP sends you directly to jail?
C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men
Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)
Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus
Heal this child, help us destroy these demons
Oh, and please send me a brand new car
And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital
Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher
You can't reach me, my mom can't neither
You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause
I watch TV, and Comcast cable
and you ain't able to stop these thoughts
You can't stop me from toppin' these charts
And you can't stop me from droppin' each March
with a brand new cd for these fuckin' retards
Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me
Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave

Chorus x2: Eminem

Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these
people think it's a crime
to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL
But I don't gotta say a word, I just flip 'em the bird
and keep goin', I don't take shit from no one

My mother did drugs - tar,
liquor, cigarettes, and speed
The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed
It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she
Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me
I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed
But how the fuck you sposed to grow
up when you weren't raised?
So as I got older and I got a lot taller
My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger
I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker
than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word nigga
My morals went 'thhbbpp' when the president got oral
Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk
Off of his own employee
Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me
You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired
and my nose is pointy
I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die
in plane crashes and laughs
As long as it ain't happened to him
Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em
-inem and Kim combined - kch the maniac's in
Replacin' the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today
He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place
muffled shouting
Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face
Don't make me kill him too and spray
his brains all over the place
I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away
I guess that'll teach you not to
let me play with it, eh? BAM

Interlude Skit
Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker
get the motherfuckin' money and get
the fuck up outta there.
Em Aight.
I'll be right here waitin' on you.
Em Aight.
Yo, Em...
Don't kill nobody this time!
Em All right! goddamn, fuck...
door squeaks
(whistling) how you doin'?
Teller Hi, how can I help you?
Eminem Yeah I need to make a withdrawal.
Teller Okay.
Eminem cocks shotgun Put the fuckin' money in the bag bitch,
and I won't kill you.
Teller What? Oh my god, don't kill me.
Eminem I'm not gonna kill you.
bitch, quit lookin' around...
Teller Don't kill me, I got two kids at home...
Eminem I said I'm not gonna fuckin' kill you.
Teller Oh, my God!
Eminem Hurry the fuck up! BAM Thank you!

Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it
car door slams, engine revving
So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it
So I'll be disguised in it
And if anybody identifies the guy in it
I'll hide for five minutes
Come back, shoot the eyewitness
Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business
Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets
This puppy's lucky I didn't blast
his ass yet
dog whines
If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts
tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck
You motherfuckin' chickens ain't brave enough
to say the stuff I say, so just tape
it shut
tape unrolls
Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up
To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass
And if it's not a rapper that I make it as
I'ma be a fuckin' rapist in a Jason mask

Chorus x2